Sex is a topic that is as broad as broad can be. Surely there are as many ways to have sex as there are people having it. That may seem like an obvious statement, but if that’s true, why are so many people having  the same kind of uninspired crummy sex?  Could it be that we are not as open-minded as we fancy ourselves? Unfortunately, we do cling to cultural relationship standards and allow them to dictate what sex looks like. If we were more free of these expectations and limitations, there might be more variety in all of our sex lives. One variation on the average sexual experience, is tantric sex. If you don’t know what that is, you’re not alone. Many people are unaware of the concept of  tantric sex, so we are here to break down some of  those walls. Keep reading for tantric sex, explained.

Tantra is a practice that is almost as old as time. Why then is it so unfamiliar? Your proximity to tantra and tantric sex is most likely culturally and geographically dictated. Tantra originated centuries ago in India. It is a philosophical way of life that focuses on physical and spiritual wellness. The underpinnings of tantra come from Hinduism and Buddhism and the word tantra comes from the Sanskrit meaning ‘woven web’. This is an apt description because the primary tenets of tantra focus on the connection between your mind and body. Tantra also examines the connection between people and the divine. Luckily, you do not need to be a full-time practitioner of tantra to reap the benefits of tantric sex. Tantra is a  bigger concept than just sex, but the focus of sex as part of overall wellness is incredibly valuable.

What is tantric sex like?

Because sex is so personal it’s impossible to say what tantric sex is like on an individual basis.  As a concept, tantra is heavily focused on communication, the flow and exchange of energy, breathwork, and intimacy. In short, tantric sex is excellent sex! No matter what your standards are for sex, tantric sex is the pinnacle of what sex can be. It can be emotional,  and it can be all-consuming. It can also be liberating, affirming and powerful. Tantric sex is one of those things where what you put into it is exactly what you will get out of it. 

Tantric sex and communication

All sex requires communication. Good sex requires good communication. Tantric sex not only requires excellent communication, it will help you become better at communicating with your partner. That may sound like a tall order, but tantric sex doesn’t really work without good communication. Part of what makes tantra so powerful is that it empowers both the individual and the couple. Tantra recognizes that each person brings their own vibration to the experience. The better we can interpret and understand each other’s vibrational communication, the better and more intimate the sex will be. 

Forget about give and take,  focus on the shared experience

As we mature and learn how to communicate about sex, we tend to frame our views on sex transactionally. Transactional communication and transactional sex reduces the whole experience down to a)  what can I get? and b)  what do I have to do to get it? That may sound harsh, but if you are honest with yourself you will probably recognize that you have approached sex this way on at least one occasion. Many people approach sex this way for their entire lives.  Seeing sex transactionally does not mean you’re a terrible lover or an unfeeling person. It simply means that you may have not yet explored other ways to communicate with a sexual partner. 

Tantric sex is about unity through pleasure  

Instead of seeking validation for what you want or what you want to do to your partner, focus on mutual participation. 

Replace phrases like:

  • Does that turn you on?
  • Tell me when you are about to come.
  • Now it’s my turn.

With phrases like:

  • I love how our bodies respond when we touch each other. 
  • It’s so exciting to feel your pleasure building towards orgasm 
  • Sex with you is so satisfying, I love how we exchange pleasure

Tantric sex and cosmic energy

For some folks tantric sex will seem like a lot of work. Arguably if that is your outlook, you may need it more than anyone! The intimacy of tantric sex relies upon the conductivity of the energy between the two of you. In order to contribute your energy to the experience, you must have that energy to give. Moreover that energy needs to be accessible to you in the moment, without costing you too much.  If you are exhausted or stressed, a tantric approach to sex may seem like too much. Or, it may be exactly what you need. The key here is to have your own energy sorted before you attempt to  contribute it to the sex you are having. Tantric sex is more than the sum of its parts. Meditation, good self care and breathing techniques can help you bring clean and productive energy to bed with you.

Tantric sex and breathwork

Breathing is something that we must do, but the majority of the time it’s something we don’t even consider. How we breathe can directly affect our mood, our ability to focus, and our ability to process pleasure. In short, breathwork can unlock all sorts of pleasure and sexiness in your relationship. The basic breathing techniques of tantra are useful outside of the bedroom as well. Belly breaths, as they are called,  are deep and purposeful breaths that will have an immediate effect on both your mind and your body.  If, as a couple, you are both bringing conscious and intentional breath to the sex that you’re having, you will both feel the difference. The better and more in sync your breathing is, the more powerful that sexual connection can become.

How to breathe through tantric sex

This technique can be practiced individually, but its real power lies in using it together. Sustaining eye contact and syncing your breath will ultimately sync your heartbeats. At this point you will be fully connected and the connection will be palpable. If it feels silly and it gives you the giggles just center yourselves and try again. When this technique is new it may seem overwrought but trust that when perfected, it is impactful.

  • sit with your partner facing each other across legged ( or in any other position that is comfortable for you)
  • take each other’s left hands and hold them in your laps
  • place your right hands on each other’s hearts
  • look into each other’s eyes and beginning to previous 2
  • inhale through the nose slowly for a count of 8
  • exhale at the same rate through your mouth also for a count of 8
  • Repeat this cycle four more times for a total of 5 in and out breaths

If you really want to up the intimacy as you’re looking into each other’s eyes, tell each other things that you love or appreciate about each other, or even things that you are attracted to. Positive affirmation as you sync your breathing will skyrocket your intimacy.

Indulge in tantric massage

Massage is a whole subset of tantra that works on all of the same principles. Tantric massage is very physical and very intimate. It puts a focus on being present in one’s physical body both as the masseuse and the receiver of the massage. It also affords you the opportunity to extend the time frame and variety in your love-making. 

Tantric massage also happens to be a readily-available service in most metropolitan areas. Any massage agency worth its salt will offer tantric couples massages. This is a unique experience where a couple visits a professional erotic masseuse and both of them receive a massage. This allows you and your partner to share the experience as well as learning technique. 

Intimacy through tantric sex

Tantric sex is some of the most intimate sex you can have. This is primarily because tantric sex requires your focus and attention.  You can’t just dial it in when it comes to tantric sex, you must be an enthusiastic participant. Without mutually  enthusiastic participation,  it is impossible to complete the circuitry of your mind and bodies’ energies. This is why so many tantric sex positions are incredibly close and involve eye contact, kissing, and other exploratory touch. Yes, tantric sex requires a level of investment that you may not be accustomed to. but if you want a fighting chance to repair or increase your intimacy, tantric sex is a great place to start. It’s true, not every sexual union that we have needs to be incredibly intimate. But for the times when it does, tantric technique and tantric practice can be a real game-changer.

Tantric sex is egalitarian 

By its nature, tantric sex is based on the principles of equality. While tantra does lean pretty hard into sexual binaries like male/female, yoni/lingam, etc., it is fundamentally an equal opportunity activity. Tantra puts particular emphasis on autonomy and being present in your own mind and body before you involve your partner. This is why it is so much more than the sum of its parts.  The energy that you produce and share together is so much more than what either of you could have done alone.

Is tantric sex something you will try?

Now that you know the basics of tantric sex and what it’s all about, is it something that you would try? Much like most things of this nature, you can take or leave as much or as little of it as you like. Maybe individually meditating before sex is too much for you as a couple. Maybe there are bigger issues at play that make intimacy difficult for one or both of you. Tantric sex is not the be-all end-all, nor is it a perfect solution to every possible sexual issue. What it is, is a tried-and-true approach to sex and intimacy that may be challenging for you but may yield you significant results.  As always, adapt our suggestions to fit your situation and always remember to keep communicating with your partner.

What are you waiting for?

It’s one thing to read about the erotic massage experience but it is something else entirely to have your own. There’s no reason to hesitate, simply pick up the phone and give us a ring and we will have you set up for the time of your life within minutes . Whether you seek deep tissue relaxation or a slippery sexy happy ending massage, Secret Tantric has what you need. And we know how to give it to you!  Call us today to set up your appointment. You will not regret it!

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