Popular culture paints tantra, or tantric practice, as wild and uninhibited sex. But tantra and tantric massage are more nuanced and sophisticated than that. In fact, a lot of tantric work includes tantric edging, an exercise in self-restraint that has big payoffs. Tantra may seem intense (it is!) and complex (it’s not!). With our guidance, you can incorporate the ancient wisdom of tantra into your self-pleasure and love life.
What is Tantra?
Tantra is an ancient physical and spiritual practice that emerged from Hinduism and Buddhism in India. The word ‘tantra’ is a sanskrit for “web”, referring to the way that its practitioners weave together the energy between people. Dating back nearly 5000 years, tantra is best known in the western world for its sexual applications. However, there is much more to tantra than strictly sex! It is a mental, physical and spiritual practice. Many people spend decades learning about tantra and applying it in their daily lives. Others pick up bits and pieces of it, or seek out the sensual care of professionals like the girls of Secret Tantric.
What is edging?
Edging is not a new sexual activity at all, but it has gained popularity in recent years. Edging is the practice of repeatedly approaching orgasm and stopping before release. Self-performed through masturbation, or with a partner, edging is a technique for those seeking stimulation and relaxation. Anyone can do it, regardless of anatomy, although this article focuses on male arousal and ejaculation. This kind of teasing and denial can be very exciting and fulfilling because edging concentrates and intensifies your orgasm. And who doesn’t want bigger, more powerful orgasms?
Tantric touch will transport you to a realm of deep relaxation and intense body response.
Tantric methods require focus, and in some cases, resisting the drive to ejaculate. That may seem counter-intuitive, but the key to the balance of tension and deep relaxation makes tantra so powerful. Through focus and practice, you can re-learn your body’s most basic urges and better control your orgasms. It may sound like a lot of work, or something you need not be concerned with, but better orgasm control equals better orgasms. And don’t we all want that?
Why you should try tantric edging
- Tantric edging is a sexy, intense and mind-blowing experience!
- It makes masturbation more exciting
- It makes partnered intimacy more intense
- Your orgasms will become more focused and intense
- Useful techniques for men who ejaculate more quickly than they’d like to
- It helps you separate your orgasm from ejaculation, both mentally and physically
- It is the surest way to become multi-orgasmic
Tantric edging is a wonderful addition to your personal self-care routine, but there’s nothing like learning from the best. If you are in London, take advantage of Secret Tantric’s roster of stunning masseuses skilled in the ancient art of erotic massage.
Tantra is equal parts physical and spiritual experiences. Simple tantric exercises require no particular belief system and respectfully participating in tantric practice is an act of cultural appreciation. There’s nothing spooky about tantra, and nothing about it that can harm you. Approach tantric experiences with an open mind, heart, and calm, relaxed body. Tantric touch will transport you to a realm of deep relaxation and intense body response. The after-effects are lovely, but preparation is key to getting the most out of tantric massage.
Tantra starts by considering your space
Tantra is best practised, and best enjoyed, with some preparation of the mind and body. If you are practising alone this may sound like overkill, but creating an appropriate atmosphere is a part of the mind/body connection that tantra helps you achieve. If you are with a partner, the atmosphere becomes even more important. Taking a few minutes to soften the mood will help your mind and body become ready for pleasure. Consider it an investment in your pleasure.
Approach creating the atmosphere with all 5 of your senses:
- Sight – tidy up, even just a bit. A clutter-free space will help you focus and relax, two essential concepts for tantric pleasure
- Touch – bust out the massage oils and/or lubricant. Reducing friction and encouraging your hands to linger on your body (or your partners) will heighten and extend the experience.
- Smell – light a gently scented candle, spritz on a bottled scent that turns you on, eliminate distracting or unpleasant smells
- Sound – quiet music is great for beginners: choose music that is calm and rhythmic to promote relaxation and help you become more intune with your heart beat.
- Taste – before you begin, prepare yourself some refreshment for after. A light snack of fruit and plenty of water is a nice way to treat yourself afterwards.
All bodies are good bodies in tantric practice
Tantra is very body-centric because it is all about connecting with your own body and your partner’s body, finding synergy together, and experiencing pleasure on a powerful level. Even though it is rooted in the mental and emotional parts of intimacy, it does require a willingness to get comfortable with your body. Depending on your situation, it may even cause some vulnerability on the path to deeper intimacy.
One thing tantra does not require of your body is that it be ‘perfect’ in any way. Tantra does not require fitness or perfect health. Strength and flexibility helps, especially in some of the more advanced tantric positions, but the essence of tantra is that it is already within us. Tantra is the potential for passion and pleasure that all human beings deserve as a part of our experience in this lifetime. No matter what your belief system, tantra is there, waiting to be accessed, waiting to weave you and another person together like limbs of an ancient tree.
Hydration, hunger and hygiene
Whether you are endeavouring into tantric edging and release alone, with a partner, or with one of the most beautiful masseuses in London, fuelling your body well beforehand is essential. We recommend that you eat a light meal or a substantial snack and give your body at least thirty minutes to regulate itself. Ensure that you have responded to any potential ‘calls of nature’ beforehand so you don’t have to interrupt the proceedings – once you get started you won’t want to stop!
Make sure to drink plenty of water in advance so that you are well hydrated and not distracted by thirst or the need to visit the loo. A well hydrated body is more flexible and will relax easier than a body that is in need of more water. Likewise, hydration is key to mental clarity as well.
Making time for hygiene as part of your tantric practice will help get you in the mood and provides opportunities for the beginnings of stimulation and arousal. An invigorating shower or a relaxing bath will put your mind and self confidence at ease. When you meet with a masseuse from Secret Tantric, you will be expected to shower before your session begins so you’re feeling your best and can focus on the delights that await you.
The key to Tantric edging is in the breathing
Tantra is a practice that unites mind, body and soul. You can do it alone or with a partner, but working on your edging game solo can be a lot of fun. Pleasure is usually viewed as a gluttonous sensation. We want it, so when we feel it we often give over and let the feelings carry us away into ecstasy. With tantric edging, you can control that overwhelming urge and let yourself enjoy the tension. As much as the release is the goal in our culture, Eastern philosophies have been holding back and getting more from sex for a long, long time. The key is in the breathing. Once you’ve set the scene and engaged your senses, it’s time to focus on breathing.
Deep breathing, or “belly breaths”, will awaken your body and mind by flooding your system with oxygen, and opening up your lungs. Focused breathing immediately makes your senses more alert, and pleasure more intense. It will also release tension and relax your body, which promotes circulation, a necessary part of arousal. This is a technique that you can use in all areas of life, not just tantra. It works well in any situation where you need to quickly bring focus to your body’s sensations or to focus your thoughts. You can do this technique alone, or with a partner. If you are deep breathing with someone, sit opposite one another and maintain eye contact as you synchronize your breathing. If you are alone, closing your eyes as you centre yourself may be more comfortable.
Listen to your body
Thoughtful breathing has so many benefits but it does require some technique. Breathing is something we take for granted and don’t consider enough. If you have respiratory issues you may find this sequence of breathing difficult. Do what feels best for your body and don’t stress if it’s imperfect. Remember: this is about relaxation and opening up to receive pleasure. Don’t get too hung up on the details, just listen to your body.
The optimum deep breath for our purposes in tantric arousal is a slow, focused three-step breath. To begin, sit comfortably, relax your shoulders, let your hands be relaxed in your lap. Exhale out your mouth and close it without clenching your jaw.
- Inhale: Draw a breath in smoothly through your nose, silently, steadily, counting to four. Let your chest open and fill with air, but don’t hunch your shoulders up.
- Hold: Keep that breath in your chest and silently count to seven. The first time you may not make it to seven and that’s okay. As you repeat the pattern it will become easier.
- Exhale: Let your breath out through your mouth as you count to eight. Use the whole time and push all the breath out of your chest, steadily.
As you repeat this sequence cycle four more times (five focused breaths, total) you will feel your body begin to relax and your mind will quiet. If you’re breathing with a partner, you may want to face each other and hold hands or place your right hands on each other’s hearts. For even more intimacy, sit cross legged on the floor or bed and have her sit in your lap with her legs around you. This is known as the ‘lotus’ position and it allows you to hold one another as you sync up your breathing, and ultimately, your heartbeats. Touch and sensuality is key in tantric practice but resist the urge to distract each other as you do this initial breathwork. It is foundational to the slow build of energy needed for the most incredible release. Don’t forget: tantra is about the journey, not just the destination!
Tantra is the potential for passion and pleasure that all human beings deserve as a part of our experience in this lifetime. No matter what your belief system, tantra is there, waiting to be accessed, waiting to weave you together like limbs of an ancient tree.
What’s the hurry?
When you book a tantric massage with Secret Tantric, our skilled masseuses will guide you through each and every step of your private massage. You won’t have to think, as she leads you to the brink!
But if you’re looking to expand your self-serve repertoire, applying tantric techniques at home is the way forward. Likewise, with a partner you can do the touching as she watches or does the same for herself or she can touch you – whatever feels best. Once you’re feeling sufficiently relaxed and ready, it’s time to begin tantric edging.
The purpose of edging is to prolong arousal by repeatedly approaching orgasm but stopping before the finish line. This is something that you may already do as a matter of course when you’re intimate with a partner or during self-pleasure, but tantric edging techniques will take you deeper. It may be hard to resist giving in, but the longer you make it last the more control you will gain, and the better the release at the end.
Keep your breath steady
Begin with natural deep breaths as you touch yourself. Excitement and arousal can lead to rapid shallow breathing which will inhibit the relaxed and focused state that is ideal for tantric edging.
Avoid your hot spots
Stroke along the length of your shaft, avoiding too much stimulation to the glans (head) and frenulum (that really good feeling spot on the underside).
Let it build
Take your time approaching orgasm and easing off before the point of no return. Repeat the cycle of breathing through the anticipation and bringing yourself back from that edge as many times as you can or as you want to. There is no magic number, don’t feel pressure to make this a goal oriented experience. Enjoy the journey!
Vary your touch
Change your grip, pace and speed as needed. Don’t forget to engage other parts of your body. Try stimulating your nipples, touching your perineum (the flat spot between your bollocks and arse), or searching a bit deeper for your p-spot. If you choose penetration, ensure you’re well lubricated and using your fingers or a toy designed for anal play.
When you have worked yourself into a lather with tantric edging and you’re finally ready to finish there are a few paths to consider:
- continue stimulating yourself all the way through your orgasm as you normally would
- resist direct stimulation immediately before and during orgasm (“ruined” or hands-free orgasm)
- turbo-charge your orgasm with penetration and prostate massage (prostate milking)
Direct stimulation, continuing to stroke and touch as you finally ejaculate, will be utterly amazing after edging. It is likely to be a longer-lasting, more intense orgasm and a more voluminous ejaculation than usual. If you continue to apply tantric techniques, you will be able to edge longer and experience more satisfying orgasms.
Tantric edging combines the power of concentration and breathwork with intimate stimulation, but learning where your tipping point is can be a real advantage to practicing tantra. Resisting the urge to touch as you finish may sound like torture, but it comes with some dividends. Known as “ruined orgasms” or “hands -free orgasms”, this technique can be a game-changer. Stopping at the last moment requires you to know when you have enough stimulation to put your orgasm in motion, but also not so much that it sneaks up on you and is anti-climactic. Going hands-free to finish is worth the intensity and can be the key to learning to be multi-orgasmic. Yes! Men can do that! By building up to release and then managing it calculated friction, you may be able to come more than once. It can take some practice but it’s an incredible experience when you do it. Patience is everything with tantric edging.
For a truly volcanic orgasm, combine the potency of edging with the male body’s secret weapon of pleasure: the prostate. Direct prostate massage can be the ultimate button to push at the onset of orgasm. When a man is highly aroused (as you will be after edging) and his prostate is stimulated, it creates an exaggerated ejaculation, and effectively drains, or “milks”, the body of ejaculate. Not only will the orgasm yield more ejaculate, it will also be considerably more intense and long lasting than a normal orgasm, or even a normal orgasm after edging. With a bit of practice and patience, this “Holy Grail” of orgasms can be yours.
Returning to earth
Tantric edging is an exercise in self restraint. The spoils of your patience and effort will launch you into the stratosphere! Having spent so much effort and time experiencing new levels of pleasure and intimacy, it would be a shame to just wipe up and go on with your day. Sleep is always wonderful after an earth-shaking O. If you aren’t out cold, let yourself come down off that high slowly. Try gentle all-over touch, a bath or shower; have something to eat and drink. This will help you comfortably transition away from your tantric Nirvana and back into the here and now. Pay attention to your body, and return to the ‘belly breaths’ to help ground you in the present. Take your time. Some people have emotional responses when in tantric states, most often laughing or crying. If you feel emotional, don’t fight it, consider it a bonus release. Connecting the mind and body is a powerful act that can lead to intense feelings, catharsis or euphoria.
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