To the uninformed on the uninitiated, Tantra can sound like a whole lot of new-age mumbo jumbo.  Nothing could be further from the truth, as Tantra is a centuries-old methodology. In the mid-to-late 20th century, as we entered the age of Aquarius, People’s ideas about their existence and connection to humanity began to Blossom. The hippies of the 1960s were on to something, and many of the ideals of living in peace and harmony are mere Throwbacks to another time when looking Inward and developing the self was taken more seriously. Tantra’s nature promotes healing for the body, mind, and Spirit.  Continue reading to learn how to use the basic tenets of Tantra for sexual healing and improved intimacy. 

Human relationships are complex things. In many cases, intimate relationships are moulded and influenced by more than just the people involved. How we were raised to understand closeness and intimacy plays a huge part in how we act out intimacy as adults. Likewise, how we were raised to view sex, and sexual experience will also contribute to what sex looks like in a relationship.  Many people’s experiences with learning about intimacy and sex as they grew up were neutral and uneventful, leading them to a fairly stable and “normal”  set of expectations and ways to express themselves.  For others, intimacy comes at a higher price. This can be particularly true if trauma is associated with intimacy or sexuality. Tantric practice encapsulates all of these concepts and can be a clear and steady path to sexual healing and more fulfilling Intimacy in relationships. 

What is Tantra?

Tantra is an ancient Wellness philosophy that originated in India several hundred years ago. In its inception, Tantra was heavily influenced by Hinduism and Buddhism, so it has an innately spiritual feel. Luckily, one does not have to be a Tantric practitioner, a Hindu, or a Buddhist to reap the erotic benefits of Tantra. The word Tantra is in Sanskrit and translates to “woven web” in English.  This is an apt analogy, as Tantra focuses on the interconnectedness of all things. Tantra asks that we look in Word and connect with ourselves, actively pursue a connection with others, and experience a connection to the divine.

What is Sexual Healing?

Sexual healing is a broad concept that encompasses all kinds of mental and emotional healing from issues or traumas of a sexual nature. There are many experiences in situations that can cause the kind of pain and damage that requires sexual healing.  In some cases, trauma is acute and intense; in other cases, it is more subtle and long-standing. Sexual assault is not the only form that this kind of damage can take. Sexual healing may be necessary for people who have body dysmorphia, problems with self-esteem, neuroses surrounding poor sexual experience or lack of sexual experience; there are many sources.  Because Tantra is concerned with the movement and transformation of energy,  it is a gentle and effective way to release negative associations with sex and intimacy and make room for healthier feelings in the future.

What is Intimacy?

If you have never taken the time to consider your definition of intimacy, the word probably brings to mind sex. While sex can be intimate, it is not the sole definition of intimacy. Instead, intimacy is a bigger concept that requires safety, comfort, courage, and communication. Intimate relationships are the primary goal of adulthood, but these intimate connections do not happen without significant work and maintenance. This is where Tantra can help with intimacy. Tantric practice gives us tools and techniques to apply to Intimate Relationships to keep them happy, healthy and working well.

Infatuation vs Intimacy

When we first connect with someone we are romantically or sexually attracted to, our infatuation generally becomes the definition of the relationship. This is why new relationships are so exciting and energising. The infatuation is so strong it can feel like a drug.  It’s easy to think of intimacy in romantic relationships as being strictly sexual or sensual. You may feel that intimacy is about who you can be naked with or how to touch that person,  but true intimacy goes deeper than that. Intimacy can be woven into the entire fabric of our relationships. It may show up in how you communicate, what you share with that person, and how deep your trust is. All of these factors are important to the success and longevity of romantic relationships. But let’s not overlook the importance of physical intimacy.

Tantric Techniques to Improve Intimacy

As mentioned, Tantra is about energy.  These days the idea of feeling someone’s energy is often referred to as their vibe or vibration. This refers to actively paying attention to the other person’s energy, reading it, and responding appropriately.  When you’re with someone intimately involved, sometimes the circuit of energy between you can lapse or wane. This is common in relationships that have moved beyond the honeymoon phase. New relationship energy is the powerful and palpable excitement and addiction you feel with a new sex or love interest. This level of desire is not sustainable in the long term and is meant to fade over time. Many couples panic when this natural fade begins, mistaking it for a rut or even the beginning of the end. 

Belly breathing 

Tantric practice is all about mastery of the mind and the energy that is within, and moves through, our bodies. Breathing is a significant element of Tantra and Tantric massage. Thoughtful breathing has so many benefits, but it does require some technique. Breathing is something we take for granted and don’t consider enough, at least with a partner. If you have respiratory issues, you may find this sequence of breathing difficult. Do what feels best for your body, and don’t stress if it’s imperfect. Remember: this is about relaxation and opening up to receive pleasure and intimacy; listen to your body. 

The optimum deep breath for our purposes in Tantric arousal is a slow, focused three-step breath. To begin, sit comfortably, relax your shoulders, and let your hands be relaxed in your lap. Exhale out your mouth and close it without clenching your jaw.

  1. Inhale: Draw a breath in smoothly through your nose, silently, steadily, counting to four. Let your chest open and fill with air, but don’t hunch your shoulders up. 
  2. Hold: Keep that breath in your chest and silently count to seven. The first time you may not make it to seven, and that’s okay. As you repeat the pattern, it will become easier. 
  3. Exhale: Let your breath out through your mouth as you count to eight. Use the whole time and steadily push all the breath out of your chest.

Repeat this process four times. 

Eye Gazing

It’s quite remarkable how uncomfortable most people are with eye contact. Struggling with eye contact can be symptomatic of certain neurodivergent conditions like autism; it is also associated with anxiety and depression, as well as low self-esteem.  However, none must be present for sustained eye contact to feel awkward with your partner. Eye gazing is a Tantric technique that promotes intimacy by simply looking at each other. 

  1. Sit facing your partner. Cross-legged on the bed is great but sit however you are comfortable.
  2. Hold each other’s left hand and use your right hand to place your palms against each other’s hearts.
  3. Look into each other’s eyes and breathe together slowly and steadily in this position.

Why It Works

These may seem silly or overly simplistic, but they are exceptionally effective. You might get the giggles initially, but reset your focus and try again. After several minutes, you will feel a profound sense of calm and connectedness. This happens for a few reasons. The initial vulnerability that you feel is what will make you giggle. If you can push past that, holding a safe space for each other connected through your breath and your eyes allows you to feel the energy exchange between you. You may notice if you do this frequently that the more you do it, the faster that feeling of calm connectedness will come. When you open your body, your mind, and your heart to someone, that is when you experience true intimacy.

Tantric Techniques to Promote Sexual Healing 

Erotic Massage 

There are many ways erotic massage can improve intimacy between couples.  This is because erotic massage is not simply a sexy thing to do. An incredible benefit of erotic massage is that it allows us to connect physically and emotionally while learning more about our partner. These are the foundational concepts that makeup intimacy. Listening and responding, touch and communication are all these things essential to erotic massage and relationships themselves. Therefore, erotic massage can be a valuable tool for improving the intimacy between couples.

Heal With Communication

One way that erotic massage can improve intimacy between couples is that it forces you to communicate. Imagine giving your partner a massage without ever checking in on how they feel or hearing their sounds of contentment and pleasure. That would be crazy!  Likewise, an erotic massage forces you to communicate verbally and non-verbally. If you feel overwhelmed or intimidated by trying erotic massage at home,  a professional erotic couples massage can do wonders.  It may sound counter-intuitive to seek out a stranger but think of your erotic masseuse as a coach. Yes, you and your partner would be partly or completely undressed, and your erotic masseuse would be physically engaged with both of you. Still, your masseuse’s purpose is singular:  to deliver an erotic massage conducive to the two of you communicating and enjoying each other. 

Almost As Good As Therapy

In the same way that a couples counsellor can help you improve your relationship, so can an erotic masseuse. Sometimes if your relationship lacks intimacy, all that’s needed is a reminder of the intimate spark you once had. This can be achieved in several different ways and every couple of different. Many couples find that doing something new or adventurous that involves intimacy can re-energise their connection. Seeing an erotic masseuse for a couples massage is a huge departure from the norm for most couples. Rest assured that you will both receive attention from your masseuse, and that she will help the two of you focus your attention on each other.  How and where each of you is touched, and whether or not your massages have Happy Endings, is entirely up to you.

Talk Through It, Not Just About It

Talking about intimacy can be tough. It can be tough when intimacy is an issue or a sore point in the relationship. When intimacy becomes a challenge in relationships, it is usually because one partner needs more intimacy than the other or the way they express intimacy is misaligned.  A session with an erotic masseuse will expose you to a new way to communicate.  When your session is complete, you will have a whole toolbox of techniques and inspiration to try together at home. Many couples who have visited Secret Tantric for our couples massage have reported afterwards and shared that their relationship felt like new life breathed into it. 

Healing Together Through Intimacy

No matter if you see a professional for an erotic massage together or take a more DIY approach, healing through intimacy can save your relationship. Because we tend to achieve intimacy and healing in moments of vulnerability, a professional erotic massage is not as counterintuitive as you might think. A pro massage allows both of you to experience vulnerability in a safe and controlled way, which in turn helps you create a bond based on care and empathy. That care and empathy go a long way when your partner shares their needs or confides in you about their sexual history. As relationships progress and mature, it can be hard to remember exactly why you fell in love with someone.

Healing and Intimacy Require Maintenance

Relationships are a lot of work. One cannot simply allow a relationship to exist without maintenance and expect it to be passionate and functional. If, as a couple, you have identified that intimacy is an issue, you must commit to making a change. This may come in many forms, including making professional erotic massage a regular part of your love life. Remember, your erotic massage is about the two of you, not about either one of you with the masseuse. She is there to provide the massage, but she’s also there to facilitate the dynamics between you. 

Try Something New

Seeing your partner with an erotic masseuse might be difficult for you. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Lots of couples claim that the thrill and taboo of an erotic massage have helped them improve their intimacy. Our erotic masseuses are also lovely people. Yes, they’re gorgeous and sexy but also kind and intelligent with good people skills. Whatever the purpose of your massage, within our roster of highly-skilled masseuses, there is one who will fit your needs.

What are you waiting for?

It’s one thing to read about the couples’ massage experience, but it is something else entirely to have your own. There’s no reason to hesitate; pick up the phone and give us a ring, and we will set you up for the time of your life within minutes. Whether you seek deep tissue relaxation or a slippery sexy happy, ending massage, Secret Tantric has what you need. And we know how to give it to you!  Call us today to set up your appointment. You will not regret it!

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