An erotic massage at home is a great way to connect with your partner, have a little fun and learn new things about your relationship. What you get up to in your erotic massage for 2 is your prerogative, but we know a thing or two about giving a good massage. We know that adding some toys can take it from good to great. Lots of folks are intimidated by sex toys and unsure about how to incorporate toys into an erotic massage. We have lots of ideas and encouragement for you in this article, so stay tuned, keep reading and see why adding sex toys to an erotic massage can be the best decision you’ve made in awhile.

Erotic massage is an incredible tool for couples. It’s intimate, it’s arousing, and it can be as intense or long-lasting as you want. There are no rules when you make the rules!  A DIY erotic massage at home is a huge opportunity for connection and for understanding each other’s sensuality. It’s a wonderful way to tease and deny each other or to completely indulge all of your fantasies. When it comes to giving a world-class erotic massage at home, we have many tips to give you an edge and take your massage game up a notch. Adding sex toys and incorporating them into an erotic massage is a great idea but let’s lay some of the foundation first. Here are a few things to consider for an at-home erotic massage, whether you use toys or not.

Tell me what you want, what you really really want

Getting intimate with a partner will always be infinitely better if the communication is good. Sometimes it feels like there’s pressure to know your partner so well that you never need to ask them questions. Somehow, our culture has adopted the idea that if you don’t know the innermost desires and thoughts of your partner, you’re failing them. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Relationships require communication and communication is a two-way street. Yes you need to be asking your partner what they want, and they need to be telling you but the same goes in reverse. 

If you’re not willing or able to talk about the things that you want, how are you ever going to do them?  

Establishing free-flowing communication and talking about your desire is one of the sexiest things that you can do in a relationship. Make sure that you ask and tell because things will only be better if you do. 

Use the Three C’s

The three C’s of erotic massage are:  clarity,  communication,  and consent. When you’re part of a couple it can be easy to forget about soliciting consent because relationships often involve a lot of implied consent. When you engage in a new activity as a couple it’s important to seek each others’ specific consent. It can be as simple as giving them a heads up about where you are going to touch them next or asking them if they are enjoying the way you’re touching them. Consider the following phrases and use them as needed:

  • How does that feel for you?
  • Is that enough/too much pressure?
  • Next I’m going to touch your _____, is that okay?

Consider your surroundings

They say that when it comes to food, we eat with our eyes first. What this means is how the food is presented will inevitably make us more or less appetized, and more or less excited for it.  The same applies to intimacy, especially something like erotic massage.  It’s hard to feel sexy and get in the mood if  you are trying to enjoy a massage in a distracting environment, or a messy room, or in a situation that is rushed or otherwise uncomfortable. Taking a small amount of time and care to make things nice goes a really long way. Not only does it show your partner that you are excited and invested in the massage, less mental clutter will make the massage more intense and the intimacy more possible. 

Put the senses into “sensual”

  • Sight – tidy up, even just a bit. A clutter-free space will help you focus and relax, two essential concepts for sensual pleasure
  • Touch – bust out the massage oils and lubricant. Reducing friction and encouraging your hands to linger on your bodies will heighten and extend the experience.
  • Smell – light a gently scented candle, spritz on a bottled scent that turns you both on, eliminate distracting or unpleasant smells
  • Sound – quiet music is helpful, not distracting: choose music that is calm and rhythmic to promote relaxation and help you become more intune with your heart beats.
  • Taste – before you begin, prepare yourself some refreshment for after. A light snack of fruit and plenty of water is a nice way to treat yourself afterwards.  

A good massage requires massage oil, and lots of it

Do not skimp on massage oil.  Look for something without additives or scent as these can be irritating to the skin. At Secret Tantric we use only organic, cold pressed, virgin grapeseed oil and we recommend you do too. After much trial and error, this is our massage oil of choice for a number of reasons:

  •  it is odourless and flavourless
  •  non-comedogenic, meaning it will not give you breakouts or spots
  •  easy to obtain both in-store and online
  •  it is a high-quality oil but doesn’t come at an exorbitant price

You could use any kind of vegetable based oil, including coconut oil, however other vegetable based oils tend to clog pores which no one wants.  Use dark coloured towels or other drop cloths to absorb any spills and prevent stains. Oils will stain hardwood floors, soft materials and some unsealed stone surfaces.

Choose your toys carefully

The decision to add toys to an erotic massage is a conclusion you should come to together.  This is especially true if sex toys are not a usual part of your repertoire. Sometimes sex toys can seem intimidating or extraneous, but when they are well selected and well-used, they are absolutely an asset. Let’s look at some of the styles of sex toys available and how they can be incorporated into an  erotic massage.

Things that go buzz in the night

Vibrating toys are an obvious choice for massage.  In fact, some vibrators are sold as massage wands, the classic Hitachi Magic Wand, for example . Whether you opt for a big, powerful toy that plugs into the wall, or something a bit more low-key that provides a more gentle vibration, vibrators are a great addition to erotic massage. 

Try penetration for extra sensation

Adding a dildo or a butt plug to an erotic massage can be really exciting for both partners. One of you or both of you can make use of a penetrative toy during a massage. The masseuse can provide pleasure and stimulation to the receiver of the massage or you can mutually massage and excite each other. If you want to get really kinky with your erotic massage try adding a different sort of penetration like a ball gag that penetrates the mouth. 

Think beyond your hands and genitals

Incorporating toys into an erotic massage is a huge opportunity because the toys don’t simply need to be used as they are intended. They can be used in any way that you like provided that you’re using them safely and responsibly. A good full body massage is just that:  full body.  using a vibrating toy or other device to enhance sensations will have your partner aroused and delighted.  Using toys can also help with your endurance because if you’re not used to giving a massage your hands may get sore. Why not take a turn with something that  does the work for you?

Is the mind willing but the flesh weak?

A really good erotic massage is a rigorous experience. Yes it’s relaxing but the person or people doing the massage will be required to put in some physical effort. Assuming that you will take turns giving each other massages, you can both do a little bit of preparation to make everything more comfortable.  Ideally both parties are feeling well and up to the excitement and eroticism that you have prepared for each other!

  • Shower or bathe together before you start – so sexy!
  • Drink lots of water during the day leading up to your massage
  • Make sure you are well rested
  • Empty your bladder before you begin  so you don’t have to interrupt things
  • Evacuate your bowels 2-3 hours before your session
  • Douching/irrigating is not required but it will give you an added sense of confidence and security if there will be any anal exploration

Couples who breathe together, achieve orgasm together

When you really want to up the intimacy factor, practice breathing together. It may seem silly or awkward at first but synchronising your breath will ultimately synchronise your heartbeats. When your pulses align, you connect and interweave with each other on a physical and spiritual level, which will make any erotic massage more intimate and more meaningful. Here’s how to do it!

Hot Tip!

Breathing with a partner is super sexy and super easy. Try sitting cross legged on the floor or bed and have her sit in your lap with her legs around you. This is known as the ‘lotus’ position and it allows you to sync up your breathing, and heartbeats. Resist the urge to distract each other as you do this initial breathwork. It is foundational to the slow build of energy needed for the most incredible release later.

Intentional breathing, aka Belly Breaths

Getting into physical and emotional alignment with your partner is important with erotic massage. Take the time to relax,  exhale and focus on your breathing together.

Step 1: Inhale: Draw a breath in smoothly through your nose, silently, steadily, counting to four. Let your chest open and fill with air, but don’t hunch your shoulders up. 

Step 2: Hold: Keep that breath in your chest and silently count to seven. The first time you may not make it to seven and that’s okay. As you repeat the pattern it will become easier. 

Step 3: Exhale: Let your breath out through your mouth as you count to eight. Use the whole time and push all the breath out of your chest, steadily.

Go through these “belly breaths” with your partner at least 4 more times to centre yourselves and prepare yourselves for your erotic massage.

Step by step massage instructions

Giving an amazing massage is about so much more than the strength of your hands.  Try using different parts of your body to apply pressure and contact with theirs,  adding toys on devices as desired. Try climbing atop them (if they are okay with that)  and using your strength and body weight to create new and varied Sensations for  both of you. 

To begin

  1. Start with your partner lying on their stomach, face down. This will give you access to their back, buttocks and legs, and the soles of their feet. 
  2. Begin with their feet, then move to their calves and the backs of their thighs, again massaging one side and then the other. Rub their hips and waist, gently working the muscles up each side of their spine to their shoulders. 
  3. Don’t neglect the shoulders and neck. Be sure to work down each arm to their hand, again repeating one side after the other. 
  4. Friction is the enemy of a good massage. The objective should be smooth slickness and touch without resistance. If you are using toys that are penetrative, be sure that you are using a massage oil that is safe and comfortable for that. Better yet, specifically use a high-quality body safe lubricant on the toys. 

Hot Tip!

Resisting the urge to ravish each other may sound counterproductive, but by waiting, just a little bit, you can achieve a more explosive climax. 

Erogenous is as erogenous does 

Your partner will be very relaxed by the time you have massages up one side of them and down the other.  Once they are loosened up and feeling receptive, this is a good time to bring out the toys. Resist indulging them too much too quickly. Instead make them wait a bit and let the delicious erotic tension build. When you’re finished with the back side of your partner’s body, have them turn over so you can work on their front. If you both have the self-control, you can begin again at their feet and repeat the process working on the front of their body. Both men and women have numerous erogenous zones, so pay attention to  their neck, thighs, the insides of their wrists, all before working your way towards their most sensitive parts.

Work smarter not harder

You have taken care to create an appealing and stimulating environment for massage, and you’ve considered consent and practised good communication. You have touched your partner into a frenzy and now it’s time to hit that final home run. Hopefully, by this point you have worked your partner into a lather and they are nearing the brink of passion. If orgasm is the goal, move towards that whenever you’re both ready for the point of no return.  This is where sex toys, especially ones that vibrate or pulse, can be such an incredible help. By now your hands may be tired, you may be completely distracted by your own desire. Using toys can help you help your partner get across the finish line. 

Always finish strong

When you and your partner indulge in an erotic massage at home, the experience can be whatever you want to make it. There are no rules beyond what boundaries the two of you set for yourselves, so whether or not your session ends in a triumphant orgasm or two is entirely up to you. The objective of erotic massage, whether or not you incorporate toys, is pleasure. For this reason, it’s important not to get hung up on technique or what you feel you should be doing. Ultimately whatever you and your partner enjoy and whatever turns your crank, is the right thing to do. What matters is that you are connecting, communicating, and experiencing pleasure together. This is one of the most exciting and important things about romantic and sexual intimacy.

When in doubt you can always booked a professional

Here at Secret Tantric we offer sensual couples massages for those who don’t have the time or wherewithal to do them at home. You and a partner can visit one of our gorgeous masseuses for a sensual and interactive couples massage to experience erotic and tantric pleasure together. You’ll also learn a few things to take home with you. All of our clients who have experienced couples massages have given us the feedback that it was instrumental in solidifying and improving their intimate relationship.  There’s no reason not to seek out a couples massage, even if it feels counterintuitive or like it might be awkward. All of our masseuses are consummate professionals who can make both of you feel included, understood, and empowered. Give us a call directly to find out more about couples massage options and start getting truly intimate within your relationship. 

What are you waiting for?

Our masseuses are there for you, to guide you through the Naturist Massage process and provide you with an energetic and enthusiastic experience. So really, the question isn’t why should you choose a Naturist Massage, it’s why wouldn’t you? Give us a ring and set up your appointment today! Give us a ring at Secret Tantric VIP London! We will get you all set up for the next available spot with the masseuses of your dreams!

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