Tantra has been around for thousands of years. That means it needs to be better understood in today’s modern world. This article explores five assumptions about Tantra and explains how to easily and seamlessly incorporate more passion, touch, intimacy, and fulfilment into your sex life.

Anything can be exotic if it’s unfamiliar and mysterious, and to many, that’s just what tantra is. Tantra has an exotic mysticism to it, Partly because it is an ancient practice. At first glance, tantra may not seem very relatable today. Many people see Tantra as something so sensual that it must be deviant. The truth is that Tantra is one of the most balanced and Humane practices of mind and body that you will find anywhere in the world. Tantra is ancient and informed by another place and another time, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be helpful to you in the 21st century. Keep reading to learn five assumptions about tantra. 

Why is it so misunderstood? 

Tantra has been on the periphery of Western sexuality for a long time. It is often seen as something for hippies and new-age spiritual types, not for us. That could not be further from the truth! Tantra is a very accessible and welcoming practice; it requires a bit of understanding and information-gathering, hence this article on Five Assumptions About Tantra. For many, it seems to be too exotic or too specifically sensual. We don’t have a lot of cultural cues about sensuality, why it’s important or how to achieve it. Film and media portray tantra through the trope of the ancient texts of the Kama Sutra, positioning it as a guaranteed path to unthinkable pleasure. Tantra is much more than just trying a new or creative sex position!   

So many assumptions, so little time

Tantra is somewhat misunderstood. The mythos that surrounds tantra is misleading. Here are Five Assumptions About Tantra that you may not have considered:

1. The tantric tradition is not religious

Tantra is a democratic and equal-opportunity practice that anyone can participate in, much like yoga. There is a cross-over between the two disciplines that results in tantric yoga. Add to that the physical benefits of Ayurveda, and you get a sacred trinity of practices for complete wellness: 

  • ayurveda purifies the body 
  • tantra heals the mind
  • yoga strengthens the spirit

These topics are rooted in ancient teachings. Tantra is connected to Buddhism and Taoism. Since tantra is not a religion, it can be used by anyone. To call Tantra spiritual practice is accurate. However, it does not require any loyalty to its beliefs. All tantra asks of you is to open yourself up to the experience and engage with your most authentic self. 

Appreciation or Appropriation? 

The lines between cultural appropriation and cultural appreciation can get blurred. Tantra is as much about physical and mental technique as anything spiritual. The spiritual aspect is predominantly centred around grounding yourself in the present and being open to the free flow of energy between you and the world around you. 

Whether you commit your lifestyle to the balanced approach of tantra or you dabble in it for the sensual and erotic benefits, there is no wrong way to experience tantra.

2. London tantric massage is not simply weird and kinky

London tantric massage and kink are unrelated. You could apply kinky elements to the sensual and focused parts of tantra, but it is not inherently kinky. Tantric sex and tantric massage share some core attributes with kink: communication and patience. Sadly, many cultural norms around sex and pleasure have alienated us from intimacy. This has led to the renaissance of “new age” activities like meditation and yoga. These activities help us connect our minds to our bodies, something that modern life sometimes fails to do. Both kink and tantra emphasised intimacy and experiencing eroticism in a physical and cerebral way, alone or with someone else. Kink is often misunderstood, just as tantra is. Sexual and sensual expression is a spectrum and completely subjective, so what is intimate or kinky to one person could be vanilla and boring to another. Even though tantra and kink are compatible, they are not the same, nor are they dependent on each other in any way. 

3. Tantra is not just for fit people 

The most common examples of Tantra in popular culture usually refer to tantric massage or Tantric yoga and give people the impression that you have to be as flexible as a pretzel to do it. This is not true. Tantra is accessible to adults of all ages, abilities, and body types. Fitness is not a requirement for Tantra or tantric massage. Contra is about connecting your mind and body and nourishing your soul. Your physical body does not need to be flexible and strong, and people of all abilities can usually participate and benefit from it. Tantric practice is about using your breath and mind to focus on pleasure so your body can experience heightened awareness and passion. A few medical conditions are worth considering if you are leaning into the world of tantric sensuality. Heart and lung conditions are unlikely to cause issues with tantric breathing or positions. Always operate within what is comfortable and recommended for your body. You can modify it to suit your needs and abilities. Do what feels comfortable; this is about pleasure, after all. 

4. Tantric practice will not solve all your relationship issues

Relationships are complex, and very rarely can a single approach resolve its issues. Tantric practice is not a silver bullet for all of your relationship woes. The primary tenants of Tantra include Concepts that are transferable to relationships. However, picking up Tantra as a tool or a solution to a dysfunctional relationship will not work. The most valuable and fulfilling tantric experiences come from communication and energy in a relationship starting from a solid place. With a good foundation, Tantra’s required intimacy and connection can be much easier for some couples. 

How intimate can a professional tantric massage be?

When in a professional setting, it cannot be hard to imagine the required intimacy being possible with a tantric masseuse. One thing to consider is that the professional setting allows the client to experience Tantra passively. This means that your masseuse is doing most of the heavy lifting, and you are simply there to enjoy it. Visiting one of our beautiful masseuses for a tantric massage in London is the perfect foray into tantra and how it can positively affect your life. 

No silver bullets

What many people fail to understand is that when you apply the tantric practice to an existing relationship, it does not create a Band-Aid effect or promote Perfect Harmony within the relationship. What it can do open the channels of communication so that you are both operating from a place that is calm, informed, and productive instead of resorting to passive aggressiveness, agitation or cruelty.

Tantra massage or Sex cannot fix a relationship 

Relationships are multidisciplinary experiences and they require multidisciplinary solutions. When relationships are dysfunctional or out of balance, exercises like tantric breathing, meditation, and sensual touch can help bring a couple back to the core of their relationship. What tantra does not support is simply applying sex to your problems. Tantra massage is not fundamentally about sex. Even at its most sexual, the issue at hand is much deeper and much more vibrant than the simple mechanics of sexual acts. 

Awake, aware, and aroused

Awareness is key. The awareness is about yourself and your own body, as well as the energy and presence of your partner and their body. Tantric sex and sensual tantric touch can be very intimate experiences. They also don’t have to be that deep. You can access tantric energy through focus and meditation, but you can also practice it in smaller, more subtle ways. Working with your partner to communicate more non-verbally and clearly with your body can go a long way to mending dysfunction in relationships. 

Communication maintenance and repair

Often, disharmony in relationships comes from one or both people struggling to articulate their feelings, not to mention trusting their partner to support them when they do say what’s on their mind. When you let go of your words and allow your bodies to communicate, you have a better chance at connecting on a deeper human level. Hence, the intimacy of Tantra. 

Speaking your way through your problems is an important part of any conflict resolution, but when it comes to a sensual or sexual relationship, sometimes it is worth it to let your body do the talking. When we engaged with deep eye contact and focused and well-aligned breathing with our partner, we begin to understand their body not as an object that we experience in our world but more as a being that has the same limitations and sensitivities you do. In short, Tantra helps us remember that we are only human. When we acknowledge our humanity, we acknowledge the Divine and our connection to it.

5. It is not about achieving orgasm

There was an infamous interview with rock legend and humanitarian Sting in the late 90s. He briefly and coyly spoke to the benefits of tantric sex, citing five-hour lovemaking sessions. It is true tantric sex can lead to incredible orgasms. However, orgasm is never the goal of tantric touch or tantric intimacy. The goal is the experience itself. You can think of it as the journey versus the destination. 

It’s not all about the O

Orgasm defines sex. In heteronormative terms, that generally equates to the finale of sex being the male orgasm. The female orgasm is more elusive than the male, and because most of our sex culture is phallocentric, the cock is king. Both partners’ pleasure is not considered equal. Many people were taught that the goal of sex is to finish. Tantric sex and tantric touch take a step back from that. Tantra asks that you be present in the experience, not simply focused on the result. By focusing only on orgasm and its achievement, you risk making sex competitive or even hostile. 

Improve your sex life with tantra. Remove the goal of orgasm. Eliminate the need for a linear sexual experience. It is liberating!

Don’t get it backwards

Tantra can be intense and confused for orgasm. You can achieve an orgasm while using tantric techniques. Orgasm is not a requirement, and the session is not a failure if you don’t come. The essential core of Tantra is connection. That can mean the connection between you and your partner; it can also mean the connection between your mind and your body. Because tantric is not a dogmatic belief system, it doesn’t require you to follow any particular rules; You can invest yourself as deeply or shallowly as you want to. 


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