Ladies, we know better than anyone that for decades the female G Spot has been treated like a mystery or a myth. But did you know that men have an equally misunderstood pleasure point? Just like the female G Spot, the prostate (sometimes called the P Spot) is internal and easy to access if you know how to find it. Many men describe P Spot orgasms as the ultimate climax and others don’t have any motivation to try it. What makes the prostate orgasm so divisive? Read on to learn more about finding your man’s G Spot and what to do with it!

Known by many names, including “the male G Spot” and “the P Spot”, the prostate orgasm is considered by many men to be the Holy Grail of pleasure. But achieving a prostate orgasm requires direct stimulation of the prostate itself. For many guys this is the part they are unsure of because the only way to access the prostate is through the anus. Not everyone is interested in anal play and that’s okay, but if you want prostate pleasure, you’ve got to go in through the back door. In this article we will unpack what the prostate is, why it’s so essential to next-level pleasure and how to help your man get to that blissful point of no return. 

What is the prostate?

The prostate gland is part of the male reproductive system. It’s a small, walnut size gland located just below the bladder. The prostate’s primary function is to produce the seminal fluid that nourishes and transports sperm. Since seminal fluid makes up the vast majority of the material that is expelled during ejaculation, without a prostate there would be no ejaculate! When the prostate swells and becomes more sensitive with arousal, it puts pressure on the bladder giving an ‘urgent’ feeling that can be distracting or cause anxiety. If this feeling is ignored or overcome, the opportunity for pleasure is immense. Lots of guys are leery of prostate play because like all anal play, it’s considered fairly taboo amongst straight men. Your guy may be squeamish or adverse at first and he may or may not change his mind. His body, his choice.  

Taboo and prostate play

Anal penetration is a complicated topic for most straight men. Culturally, they have been raised to see anal play as emasculating and something relegated only to gay men. This normalised homophobia is not only inaccurate and unnecessary, it’s destructive because it creates a barrier to pleasure and sexual self-knowledge. For many men, the taboo of anal or prostate play is hard to overcome or escape. Many deny themselves the pleasure potential of prostate stimulation because they are mired in meaningless social constructs of masculinity. If your guy has some of these common misgivings, remind him that it’s not emasculating or weak for him to explore, and that you think it would be hot if he did. 

Important reminders about anal play

Anal play can be incredibly pleasurable and fulfilling but it comes with lots of stigma and misinformation. For instance, did you know that anal play doesn’t have to hurt? In fact, it shouldn’t! It can be very sexy and feel incredible but you’ll need two things: patience and lube. 

We have all been led to believe it’s incredibly painful and intrusive, but when done properly, anal play is pain-free. Here are a few reminders about safe anal play:


  • As a recipient: Ask yourself: do I want to do this or am I doing it for a partner or other reason? How do I actually feel about this? How will I feel if it’s not pleasurable for me? Are you curious or scared? (or both?) – If you answered either or both, that’s normal! It can be a conflicting topic but it can also be a really exciting and gratifying sexual experience.
  • As the recipient, remember that it’s your body and it’s okay to have limits!
  • Condoms or gloves make for easy cleanup and if there was ever a time for some wet-wipes, this is it
  • Ready =/= Prepared – timing, the right products and enough time to explore are all essentials for anal play
  • Ideally the recipient is feeling well, is well hydrated and they’ve vacated their bowels in the last 2-3 hours. 
  • Fingers are a great starting point, but anal penetration with any other object requires a flared base. Look for toys made for this purpose (like butt plugs) or dildos that have a wide bottom so you can avoid complications. Butts “swallow” objects and they are very hard to retrieve. Save yourself a trip to the ER and be careful what you put up there

Lube, lube, lube … and more lube

The rule of thumb when it comes to lubricant, is this: you can almost never have too much and you can always add more. It’s important to remember that rectums are not self-lubricating like vaginas, so lube becomes a safety material not just a pleasure material. It’s also important to start small: a single finger, a slim toy, a modest plug. Go slow and take your time! Please remember that not all lubes are created equal; always use the right lube/condom/toy combo. If you are the penetrator (not the receiver) go very slowly and communicate with your partner so you can understand where he’s at and adjust accordingly.

How to find the male G Spot

Now that you’re up to speed on how to safely and gently penetrate the anus, let’s focus on reaching the prostate. It may seem deep within the pelvis, but it is easily accessed via the anus. The easiest way to find the prostate is to insert a well lubricated finger into the anus about 2-3 inches deep and press towards the front of the body. Because it’s so near the bladder, the need to urinate may seem imminent but the chances of peeing oneself from prostate play are slim. This is in part because it feels similar but that’s not really what’s happening. Secondly, erections make it harder to pee and many, but not all men, will be erect during anal play. Some men don’t achieve erections during anal penetration and that is totally normal too. 

Geometry Is Everything

That damn angle! It seems that anal must be a from-behind-on-hands-and-knees type event, right? Well, it can be but that’s not a good starter position. In fact it can be one of the most challenging so don’t be discouraged if you have trouble with it. Everyone is different so there is no universal how-to or position that makes prostate play easy and effortless. For many people, using their body weight to push onto a toy (or a finger) allows them control of the speed and depth. Any position where the muscles of the thighs and butt are engaged will create resistance so comfort is key. Don’t forget to breathe (deep inhale, exhale slowly with penetration) and don’t worry if you’re not ready at first for a lot of movement. Rigorous pumping/fucking motions may be something that you work up to.

Embrace the Process

The learning curve with prostate play can be steep and feel, well, technical. But if you embrace the process and focus on the journey vs. the destination it can also be a lot of fun and feel really good. If your expectations are a completely clean, energetic pounding with no challenges, you might be disappointed. However, if you’re patient with stopping and starting, you enjoy intensity and you feel confident about the communication with your partner (if applicable) then you may have a great time. Like any sexual act, if you are both safe, comfortable, enthusiastic and aroused, it should go smoothly.

Stimulating the P Spot

Prostate stimulation is very personal and what feels good to one person may not to another. Unless you or your partner are used to fast or rough thrusting, keep things gentle and slow. 

  • If you are using a finger(s), try having him lay on his back and give him the “come hither” motion
  • Have him lay on his stomach with a pillow under his hips and gently press forward and down as you enter him from behind with your finger(s)
  • You’ll know you’ve hit it when you feel a firm, spongy mass. He will likely make a sound or respond in some way because the sensations are pleasurable and almost overwhelming.
  • Gentle prodding, stroking, massaging, is encouraged, but be sure to communicate

Why it feels so good 

The prostate is packed with multiple kinds of nerves that are responsible for erectile and sexual function. The prostate engorges with arousal and direct stimuli puts the pleasure centers of the brain into overdrive. From a physiological point of view, prostate play makes perfect sense. If your guy can get past the fear of pain and  the cultural stigma, it can expand his whole world of sexual pleasure. 

Ejaculation and prostate health

In recent years, studies have confirmed that regular ejaculation is good for prostate health and can lower the chances of prostate cancer, one of the most dangerous diseases men face. It is not necessary to ejaculate via prostate stimulation to reap the health benefits of coming regularly, but why wouldn’t you? Prostate orgasms are among the most powerful and exciting of sexual experiences for men so if they can be achieved, give it all you’ve got. Go big or go home! 

Prostate “milking”

After the incredible sensation of prostate orgasms, the second best part is the ejaculation itself. Referred to as prostate “milking”, it usually results in a larger than normal volume of ejaculate. Also considered desirable is the ‘empty’ or ‘drained’ sensation that follows milking. Repeated edging and short term abstinence before milking can increase the volume and the intensity of a prostate orgasm.  

Fancy a toy?

Once prostate play is established as something pleasurable to be pursued, consider trying toys. There are loads of plugs and dildos on the market that are designed to hit the prostate just right. Many provide pressure on the perineum and the base of the penis as well for an all-over feeling of fullness and pleasure. Toys make solo prostate play more fun and more accessible. You needn’t be flexible if you have the right kind of toys to hit all the right spots. As the partner of a man who enjoys prostate play, you can also be involved by including strap on toys. There are many styles of harness out there, and even some that are internal for the woman as well. The possibilities are endless when you open yourself to new pleasures and new experiences! 

Discover the joys of prostate play

Start your prostate exploration off on the right foot by visiting us at Secret Tantric and we will teach you all of the ins-and-outs of an incredible prostate massage. We offer couples massages that can serve as pleasurable learning sessions as one of our highly professional tantric masseuses leads you through the process. It’s a great way to connect as a couple, do something a bit naughty together and learn from the best! 

Help us help you

If you are ready to reap the benefits of prostate play while seeing a tantric therapist, give us a call. Here at Secret Tantric we are committed to answering all of your questions. We want to make tantric therapy accessible and available for everyone. Give us a call today. A visit to a tantric therapist can put you on a path to self improvement and sexual freedom. 

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